Him II

The other day I wrote a post titled Him. A lot of you read it and have probably been asking yourself some questions. One thing I have heard is "if you do not want this person to know; why would you then post it for the world to see". This is an easy answer. First He does not know about this site. This site has been kept from him for the sheer reason that it talks about the complications I have been facing. So, I feel comforatble putting up here what I have kept from Him and even a few other people. People I know would not look at this blog.

The same person who asked me the question above left a comment on Him. Do not bother looking because I did not let it go up. I did that not because I have anything to hide, or because I am scared of criticism. I did it because I found it kind of rude. When reading it, I actually felt attacked a little bit. Im sure thats not what the writer intended, but that is the way it was taken. So, I had deleted the message. However, it has staid in my head kind of taunting me. So, I want to set a few things straight.

1. I am pretty sure the writer of the comment has not read all of my posts. They stated so themselves.
2. They most likely do not have PCOS
3. They have probably never had a disease that has no cure. oh, wait there is a cure for PCOS. Its to have a hysterectomy.

One of the points in the comment stated that this condition affects many women. Something I know and have talked briefly about. I went back online and looked up the numbers. The site I read said between 1 in 10 or 1 in 20 women are affected by this. I think it should just say 1 in 15 since that is the median. That is a lot of people, but like I said each person has a different case when it comes to this condition. I have heard that women with PCOS are like snow flakes. Each one is different, each one reacts differently. I have had the pleasure of meeting someone recently that was curious about my vague description of my condition. When I told her what it was, she stated she has it as well, but a very minor version of it. She also stated that she has a sister with the same condition who has a more severe version and she understood what I was talking about. How before she never took much notice into her sisters daily activities and how when thinking she realized her sister would often miss a few days from work a month, and how she clearly had to run her life around her condition. Outside of that meeting I had the privilege of talking to other women as well about how they have handled their PCOS. One woman told me how she often went to the emergency room almost monthly because of the amount of pain she was in due to the cysts. She also stated that the doctors would not help her and often would just send her home with pain medication saying that was all they could do. For me, there are months when I do not even feel my cysts. They can often be small and cause me no discomfort. They can also be huge like the one I currently have and cause me daily discomfort. It really just depends on something that I have no idea about. If I did know what caused the cysts to become huge, i would most definetely do the opposite of it.
Another point was brought up about how there are medications, treatments, and procedures that could be done to eleviate my issues. I am pretty sure every woman, every girl is asked and or told this. Each of them are probably like me in saying well, I haven't found one yet. I have spent 12 years of my life trying to find a cure , a treatment that would make me normal. That would make my periods come on time, that would banish the pain I feel every month as my insides shed. Yet, I have yet to find a treatment that helps me. I have asked multiple doctors about surgically removing the cysts. They state that it is not that easy. These cysts are caused monthly because when my body gets ready to ovulate and release an egg, it fucks up. That fuck up turns into a painful bag of puss and apparently blood. So, even if I was to surgically remove a cyst this month, it will not prevent another one from appearing next month or the one after that. Another point brought up is that most cysts resolve themselves. This is a very true statement. Most cysts do resolve themsleves and here is how: Option 1. They shrink and disappear over time. That is an awesome option that I hope happens to all of my and every one elses cysts. However, I am not naive enough to think that will happen. Option 2. The cysts ruptures. This is not such a pleasant way of get rid of a cyst unless you are on heavy painkillers and are positive nothing else will be affected by the rupture. For me the last time I had a cyst rupture it felt like I was shot in my pelvis. I thought I was going to die. The problem is, is that it is not only the rupture it self that hurts, its the pain leading up to the rupture. Imagine if you will a balloon. Now, you take that balloon and fill it up with water and put it in a tight but expandable fixture. When the balloon gets to a certain point it is going to start putting pressure on the fixture that is holding it. Now, add some more water to it slowly. The pressure will increase and increase until it becomes painful. Right before the balloon is completely full, it is an unbearable amount of pain. It becomes a constant pain that will not be eleviated. If you are lucky enough, you have a high enough tolerance to fool the people around you and behave as if nothing is wrong. That way you can go about your daily life, or you can go to the hospital and pray they actually assist you. At this point we are where the seems if you will of the balloon is spread very thin and are tearing. The balloon then bursts in an outward flick of rubberband. This all happens on a small 2 cm maybe ovary that is covered with tissue, veins, and probably other very important things. This is the types of pain and problems women with PCOS face.
Going back to treatments. Treatment options are hormone therapy, which often includes birth control. These options often help women with this condition. IT DOES NOT help EVERY woman with this condition. There are women like me who have adverse affects from birth control. I started taking birth control for the first time around 12-13 years old. I was in the 8th grade and I remember how weak I felt, how tired I was, and how I lost my appetite. I would often go the day with eating only a bag of chips or a spoonful of whatever my mom made. I would then often find I would become nauseous and throw it all up. So, we stopped that one and tried a different one a few months later. After I was back to my full strength. That one was not as bad. I did not get extremely tired, I was not especially weak. The nausea and vomiting did continue but I was able to hold down most of my food. The problem I did have was that even though my periods had become somewhat regular, I was still in massive amounts of pain for most of my periods. I still managed to loose a lot of blood and grow dizzy due to the blood loss. I also became even more depressed and felt like an out cast. For 7 more years I tried the different birth control pills that the doctors told me to take. Trying to find the right match that would help fix all of my symptoms and not make me more depressed. When I was 16 I went on a break from the medication after some tramatic experiences and an overdose. I returned less than a year later on them and continued until I was 19 and my cyst burst. It was the first and only time that had happened. I swore then that I would not take birth control again. It did not help with the pain, it did not help shrink and deter new cysts from forming, it did make me more and more depressed. So, for  a year or so I went without birth control. Then I tried a new medication called Metformin which I had heard, helped many women with PCOS. After a month or so using it I became very sick and ended up in the emergency room. I had bleed for 56 or so days and need emergency transfusions. I believe I wrote about this before. The doctors put me one 7 months of birth control to stop and help regulate my period again. I was at a loss so I went back on. My husband after two days of me being on it noticed a very big difference in my demenor. I became sad, withdrawn, I had angry outbursts about nothing at all. I had told him before hand that it might happen because I had been that way before, but I stood on the medication for the 7 months the doctor told me to. After I finished it, it took some time for me to go back to being and feeling more like me. My periods were not better or lighter but I was not bleeding for over 30 days anymore. Now, after a year I am trying a new treatment called Provera. My doctor told me this might be more helpful then the birth control I was on before. So writer, I have done what the doctors have asked of me. I have taken every treatment they have suggested. I have done everything I am supposed to do, even when I knew it would affect me mentally and that the treatment would not help. I listened, not just to do what they say, but so I could go back and say "I told you this wouldn't work, I did it anyway,and now you need to find me something that will work".
See the flaw in doctors and in many people, is that we believe they are unfallable. That the things they tell us to do is because they must know it is going to fix the problem. That they tell us no we do not need something because it must not be needed. Why would our doctors put us in a position where our health can be diminished. That doctors know everything that is in their field and therefore should not be questioned. This is not a true statement; every year doctors learn of new medicine that is supposed to be better then the last. Every time a person with a chronic illness is seen by a doctor, that doctor is trying to figure out the right dose, the right medicine, the right something to help, if they can. Science is not perfect and neither are its practitioners. There are doctors who do not recommend a procedure because they believe it is too much of a risk, for them and sometimes for the patients. There are doctors who do not want to do certain procedures because it is money and resources they don't want to pay for. I am a woman on medicaid. I am a woman waiting on disability benefits with no income. Do you think they are going to do a thousand or more dollar operation on me if they can skirt around it. its money they know they might not get back. Its a risk they are unwilling to take. So, instead just go home. Take these painkillers that will help you and let it resolve it self. If it pops come back in and we will make sure there is no damage; if there is we are sorry. That is what the truth is, and yes. in my last post I was ranting and I was complaining. I was letting go of feelings and letting out the pain, just a little bit.
I am not the only one though. These posts are all written and shared so other people who feel like me, who go through things like me, who have people telling them what you told me writer. Can have a place to feel like they are not alone. So, me and everyone else like me can say there are others like me, their is someone else who understands, who can and will stand up even though I am not ready to. This site is my ranting place, where I share what I feel and go through in hopes it reaches others. In hopes that they will open up and start being active in changing things for them. Maybe writer, you have not seen any results to my efforts, but I know that I have been knocking on doors everywhere I turn looking for answers. I know that I have seen countless doctors and that I know what I want. I want and will be healthy. I want and will be a mother. I will not be bullied into getting a hysterectomy before it is absolute necessary and until I am atleast in my 30's. Cause that is not an option I am willing to do. My condition is real, my fight is real, and I will not apologize for my posts or for my complaining. So writer, here is my questions for you. Who are you to put quotes around my condition? who are you to question my truths? What do you know of a persons struggle to healthy? What do you know of the struggle to get what you deserve?
I hope you think about that. I hope you take a moment and look at the people around you that might be suffering. I want you to think about what you say to the people around you who might be going through things. Cause honestly writer, I think you could learn a few things.

p.s. it is my choice when it comes to having a child. It is my choice to say I want to be healthy and have a baby. No one has the right to make a person choose one or the other. It is a doctors job to help their patients achieve everything they want.

management

Have you ever just haad one of those days where your body is in so much pain, you don't want to do anything. The type of pain that stops you in your tracks and makes you take notice. Well, that is what I have been dealing with today. Today, of all days when I have appointments. Instead of being able to do what I was supposed to I laid in bed with a hot pack and pain killers.

Well, lucky for me between sleeping and medicating myself. I was also able to write a few more pages of my new story. It seems to be a good outlet during all this pain. Besides, all that not so interesting things, here is a little bit about my new treatment. SO, as you all know it has been over a month (close to, if not 40 days) since my last period. About 6 or 7 days in I was told by my GYN that I have to be on provera to help with regulating me. I was supposed to wait until after the tests and ultrasound came back to make sure I wasn't pregnant. Since, I found out two weeks ago that I was not. I started taking the medicaion like I was told to, one a day for ten days. Well that ended about three days ago. I had expected that I would start getting it today. What I did not expect was for the pain to start out this bad. As a pre-curser this is not a good sign. I will keep you guys filled-in on how thigs will progress going forward. Until, then wish me good luck cause I am pretty sure I will need it.

Him

The other day I started talking to someone that I havent talked to in several months. Someone I love and care about. He has been in my life since I was 15 years old and somehow impacted my life more then I ever thought he had. Talking to him and answering the normal questions of whats new? what have you been up to? and how are you? have been tough because I dont want to tell him the whole truth.

I dont want to tell him how in the past two years my health has declined very rapidly. I dont want to tell him how the doctors I see scare me because they tell me what I already know. That one day, and one day soon I will have cancer like my mom did; and I probably wont survive it. I dont want to tell him that even though I have tried hard to work and keep my jobs. I just cant anymore because I am so tired. I dont want to tell him that I am bleeding money even more and faster then I do blood on my period. I dont wat him to know that I will probably be evicted from my home i a week, because I cannot afford to pay for any where to live any more. That I am sad and constantly feel alone. That I am tired of fighting sickness after sickness. I dont want to tell him that the rabbit hole I fell into is burrying me alive and I no longer see the way out. I am scared to tell this man, that has seen me in some very dark times that I pray God will let me just drift away in my sleep. To let me gracefully bow out of this...situation. That with every effort I have tried to provide for me and my family. I have been kicked in the crotch and am just too sore to get back up again. 

I know I tell you guys I do not condone or advecate suicide and I dont. Other people out there, you guys have friends and family that support and love you more then you know. They will help pick you up when your feeling low. There is always a way around and through your problems. I can say that for the other women, men, children, and teens out there that feel like death is better. For me though...I am on my last leg. No, I am on my last tippy toe. When it is all said and done, i honestly dont believe there is a way for me to get around, over, or through my problems. 

Uhm what now

So, since the last time we talked and I told you about my lovely huge cyst, new things have developed. 1. I now know the size of my cysts. My left side cyst is 4.97 cm x 4.74 cm and the right one that I was never told was found is 3. Something by 3. Something. 2. I spent around 8 hours yesterday at a hospital that I had heard was very good. Instead of doing surgery on my huge cyst that has been hurting me, they decided to let it resolve it self. Meaning let it either Pop or just disappear. I am however supposed to watch for any symptoms that would require a surgery. For me just having a huge cyst that could cause massive pain is enough for surgery but hey I'm not a doctor right. Well, this post took me all day and I'm pooped. So... Talk to you tomorrow???

This sucks

It's been a while since I last blogged and a few things have happened. Wednesday morning I woke up with a pretty brutal inner ear infection. I rushed to to doctors and was told it was just the beginning and I needed a boat load of medication to feel better. I figure since I'm there I might as well talk to her about the pressure on my left pelvis. I was hoping she would say it was my uterus growing to accommodate a baby. I know crazy since the blood results had come back negative. Instead she says it looks like it might be my ovaries. So, I leave feeling low and praying that maybe she's wrong. Well the next day I go to another doctors place and they give me an ultra sound. They find no baby or my right ovary. All they see is a pretty huge cyst on my left ovary, where I have been feeling the pressure. So, yay for me!!! I have a huge bag of puss on my small delicate ovary , instead of a lovely baby pressing on my delicate bladder. Anyway I was doing okay and the pressure was still there but not hurting me. That is until last night when I was repeatedly woken up by uncomfortable, painful cramping. Luckily I have tons of painkillers otherwise I would still be laid out somewhere crying and in huge amounts of pain. This is where I am leaving cause I have to cook another yummy meal and possibly go to the hospital and have surgery. Cause honestly I really don't want this cyst to pop. I want my ovary to stay undamaged. Well I'll talk to you all later.

ramble, ramble, ramble

There has been a million and one things happening in my life lately, and do you know what the sad thing is... . The sad thing is that even with everything I have been completely bored and doing nothing. I mean obviously not nothing, but still nothing. So, here we go.


The first thing that is very important to get out there is my health. Which is more then one thing in itself. As you all know I have been filing for DSS and SSI because of my PCOS condition which makes it very hard for me to work consistently. Today, when going back to DSS I found that their doctor found me disabled, but only temporary. As in only for three month which is the course of my treatment that I am starting soon... . The only reason why I have not started it is because I want to wait for my ultrasound before I take it. Now, I want the ultrasound because after 26 days of being late, with nausea, insomnia and yet being fatigued, and this incessant pressure on the left side of my pelvis. I am not saying that I am pregnant because saying that and then ending up not being would be incredibly embarrassing and upsetting. So, for now I am just weird and crazy and driving myself up a wall. I hate not knowing what is going on with me. Which on that topic, I still have not heard anything about my physical therapy which in my mind is crazy cause I mean hello pain!!


Besides all of that, there are other things in my life. My book for one, which in my mind is becoming clearer while my ability to write it is getting worse. I am at the library now as I write this and hope that being in a place where there is nothing else to do but write, will help. However, with out any funding to back my book it does not matter if I write a great book. I think what I will do is in my next post give you a synopsis of my trilogy.


The next part of my hectic life is the my business and this blog. Both of which I am trying to make into something big and important. My business, which is not officially a business because its not filed away and stuff, is called MJ Services. It is an idea where everyone helps each other. College students help working families with child care, cleaning, personal assistance, etc. and working families help students by paying them a decent rate that can go towards tuition, travel, books, etc. I think that this would be great, if only I could get all the pieces together. Under MJ Services there is my blogs both Jacks and Into the Arts. For this blog, well I think it is going okay. I wish I was able to get more feedback from you guys cause honestly every time I see a page view I fall in love with you guys more and more. Into the Arts I want to find more artists to showcase. I have been very fortunate to find the few I have been able to show off but, I am pretty greedy and want even more. I also want to eventually sell some art on my blog, and I want to raise money for artist. A lot of people are really into the arts and are great artists with no connections, or people to help nurture their work. I already have a fabulous writing workshop that I would love to bring people into. However, the workshop is about $25 a person. Something that not all artists can afford, especially if they are young. To add a little bit to my need and want to help artists, my husband has also decided to do the same.


On that topic, I told you about how my husband best friend ( or as he says his brother) died. Well his friend was a manager for artists. He had a big heart and wanted to help as many people as he could and his passion was in the arts. Well,  my husband decided that he would continue his friends work, in honor of him. I support this of course, I think there is nothing better. Now, this means that I am also helping him with this and it is being put on my already sweet heavens plate. I normally would not have a problem with this, but I am sooo tired and feel like I am burdened. Not in the sense that I am not happy to do all my projects. It is just sometimes I wish I had an assistant to help me with all of this.

So, there goes a portion of the stuff that is happening. I guess if you made it through and you have anything you want to say, I gladly await your comments below.

Pieces of me

A lot of people who know me, know that I love art. All types of arts, written, musical, drawings, paintings, everything. I believe it's a real way to express yourself and your emotions. 

For me art has been a  life saver. I have always used writing to get out the feelings that I normally harbor inside of me. Anyone who reads my poetry or listens to my spoken word learns about me and my true feelings. People who read my stories, well you get to learn about all my crazy fantasies. Yes, my books are based on what I actually wish would happen to me and no I do not think its weird. If I could draw better, you would see what I see when I look at people. Through the photos I take you can't see much since most of my pictures are of nature. When you listen to my favorite songs you can see my past.

So, yes for me art is everything. For a lot of people art is everything. I've seen and heard tons of people say music is their blood. It is the thing that sustains them. That is true for so many of the arts. 

I  talking to you guys about this because I have posted a few times now that I started a campaign on GoFundMe to assist artists. I would like to invite all of you to help me. I want to raise $500 for 10 artists. This fund will be used to as a scholarship for two workshop dates at The Blue Door. Those of you who have read my posts before should know that The Blue Door is a gallery in Yonkers where a fabulous friend of mine holds a poetry workshop. Now, this is mainly for poets yes, but it is for other as well. While being at the workshop, we use the art around us to write our pieces. We do this a few times with different things to keep in mind. While we do this we get to meet other artists (photographers, writers, poets, etc.) and talk about our journeys. After the workshop we are then invited to stay for Po'Jazz where poets get up to read and they can read while being accompanied by musicians or alone. There is also refreshments so you can get a little courage if needed. I want to take 10 artists and open their world a little more to the other people who love what they love. I hope you guys can find it in your hearts to help me do this! Also, if you know anyone who would like to join please have them email me at mjservices44@yahoo.com . Thank you guys for reading my what I can only assume is part crazy and pleading post. If you made it through give your self a pat on the back then GO to my GoFundMe account and donate anything you can. Even 5$ makes a difference! http://www.gofundme.com/v9usn4m

R K.G

Yesterday I had the unfortunate privilege to go to a wake of a young man. The man was younger then me, not by much but still younger. As I sat listening and watching I found that I was blown away. This 22 year old was loved by so many people; practically all of this city knew and loved him. He was the type of person who loved to help people and bring them together. Now, I never personally met him or knew anything about him until his death. A death that was unnecessary and is saddening. This young man was slain trying to defend him and is friend, and however much that makes him a hero. I am pretty sure his family and friends would have preferred him still here. 

Anyway, I had started to talk about his successful life. By success I do not mean he was rich (materially), I mean he was successful in life. He had a career, not a job, he had a passion and he seemed to a have drive. This young man taken from all his friends seemed to have been truly wonderful. To all of his friends and family out there, you have our condolences for the loss you have suffered. I hope knowing your angel, your king is truly in a better place. I hope you guys have peace  and find a way to finish what he had started. 

News...news read all about it.

Hey guys! I hope you've had a better last few days then me. For me it's been headaches, job searches, trying to connect to my book and of course trying to get an ultrasound. If you guys are like yay she is pregnant, then I gotta say there is no proof. Yes, I am now late 22 days late. However, that doesn't mean much again cause of my PCOS. Right now the ultrasound is to check out my insides to see if I have any cysts currently.  I hope I don't but I probably do. Outside of that crazy messy I was happy when I got to go to my brothers and have a family game day even though I was in a foul mood and wasn't very interested. It was mainly because of my stupid migrain/headache. Besides all of that I will write a little bit about what my husband (or as I call him, my pain in the ass) has been going through. 

Early this Wednesday one of his best friends was murdered and it has been very hard for my husband. Although, I am proud to say he took that hurt and did something productive. He has started a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for both the victim's family and so he can donate to other charities that promote anti-violence. I am happy to say that over night he has made $350. I hope that you my readers will also join his cause and donate to the "Stop the Violence" campaign. Please click gofund.me/kenedyfoundation and donate whatever you can.

Storybook

Last week I started talking to you guys about a book I had started to write 10 years ago. Well as of today I have done nearly nothing to the story. I feel as if I am blocked from getting into the mindset of this book. I know some of you are going to be like that sounds crazy, but if you are a writer you know that each story has a mind of itself. Not everything is always laid out, a lot of times something that you as the writer wanted is different from the character. 

In this case I feel as though the book is from another planet where a parallel me wrote it. Which stinks because it is such a good book and only needs a few tweaks here and there. blah...blah, blah, blah. Writing my book for me was supposed to be one of the easiest adventures for me to do. I was going to re-read it and let the story unfold in front of me. Then you know, change it around so it is not based off of a 13 year old's idea of dating and sex. lol yes, I was an imaginative child and truly had no idea what the hell sex could possibly have been like. 

In other news there isn't any I can share at this moment but I can promise you that as soon as I can oh, I will. Till then I hope everyone has a nice day and you all enjoy the sun. As far as me I will be praying for some rain!!!

My fourth

For the first time in what seems like a long time I finally went out again and hung out with some exciting, loving friends. For the fourth of July this year I went to my friends house to celebrate her birthday and of course the fourth of July. To be honest it was the first time I've truly let my guard down and just enjoyed myself. I went to her house after spending most of the day home wallowing in my boredom. By the time I had walked my butt over to her place I was dying for a drink and of course by that I mean an alcoholic one. Now, let me tell you that drink was either strong or I have become a light weight. One glass in and I was already tipsy and in need of some food to fill my stomach. Besides being drunk for a good portion of the time, what I really enjoyed were the people. They were open, friendly and I was able to really talk to them about my poetry and what I am hoping to do artistically.
At one point people were shouting out for someone to read their poems, stories, or really anything they had written. Of course, people kept looking at me and I am not sure why! The whole room was filled with writers who had been in the craft before I was even born. So, I shied away and told them all I had nothing on me. Which if you've seen my other blog you would know that I have posted several of my poems on there and all I had to do was going on the internet on my phone to get it.
After a lively time of talking, laughing, and eating a lot of food; I decided to leave before all the night time fireworks and festivities started. I know it kind of makes that day less of an adventure since I guess nothing crazy happened. For me it is still an adventure because I ventured from my home and out of my tiny circle to meet new people and hang out with the sweet, kind friends of my friend. That was all the adventure I needed to have a great fourth of July.

Hold up just a second.

Hey everyone, I hope you all had a lovely Fourth of July! I want to take a second and write about my decision to try and have a baby again. I know that the way it has been documented it seems like I had decided to do it after my, who I hope is a, friend lost the baby she was supposed to have. That is not true. I started trying to conceive in May right after my period ended. The last week of my period I kept thinking about how I really wanted to carry my baby. How I really wanted to give birth. So the week my period ended I got some stuff together and started to try and conceive. A week or so later we were then told about the tragic ending of the other mothers pregnancy. I had planned to write about my ttc that week but, when the events unfolded it seemed mean and so I didn't really say anything. Instead I figured I would keep quiet until I couldn't anymore and that what I did. I don't want anyone to think that the baby I am now trying to have is in anyway me trying to get something back. This has been my goal for years. I lost faith in my self and was willing to admit that I would have to overcome a lot of obstacles to get to a place where even just trying for a baby was capable. I am still in the process of fixing myself as much as possible. I do some day want a baby. Even if it means that I need to rob a bank so I have enough cash to get the Kim lard ashcan surgery that let her get pregnant again. Thank you for listening and enjoy your fireworks!!!!

Adventure time...

Lately, as in these past few weeks/ months I have spent a lot of time home doing barely anything. The only times I would venture out was to go to the doctor and buy groceries. This has become tiresome. Most of my life I had always spent it doing fun and stupid things... mainly stupid. I guess with age I have cooled down a lot and have now become boring which stinks. 1. because well I am bored and that is never any fun and 2. because well I have a blog where I promised to be exciting and although I meant it in the sense of talking about yes my daily life but mostly about my health and the issues that accrue from that. In the past 5 weeks though nothing big and weird has happened with my PCOS. So, I feel like it is time that I get a bit in touch with the wild child I used to be. I know earlier I suggested that you guys give me ideas of what to do and I am super excited to see what you guys say. I am also excited to see what I can do with my time other then make jewelry from what is essentially rope and re-watch TV series I have probably watched a million times over. I am looking forward to what till happen this 4th of July weekend seeing as I have been essentially invited to three different places. I am betting that some exciting stuff will happen, especially if i see some in-laws lol just kidding... . I  do know though that spending time with a fabulously amazing woman named Golda for her birthday will be great. So, look forward to my July 5th or 6th post where I will tell all about my holiday and I hope to hear about some of yours as well. For now that is it. May you all go in piece and wild lives that your children will be ashamed of and your grandchildren will praise you for.

My book

I talked to you guys a little bit last night about a novel I am trying to get funded and published. A little bit about this part of my life. I started writing the book around 13/ 14 years old. It is as all of (well most of) my books were about...vampires. At an early age I fell in love with the world of the supernatural. I completely blame Hercules, Xena, Buffy the Vampire Slayer ,Sabrina the teenage Witch, and Angel. Those shows captured my love, adoration, and threw me into a world of witched, vampires, supercharged humans, gods and all sorts of other creatures. Since then my imagination has been filled with stories pertaining to the supernatural world. Now, the book I wrote back then has a lot of things going for it. It is romance, gore, and supernatural agendas tied in together. However, a few years after I had started writing my book I came across twilight and realized how similar the two are. I will say that it is different in a few places but the stories when read sound similar and it deterred me from finishing my book (really its a trilogy). This past year or so though I had decided to take a look back at what I had written and sort of update it to what, I now at 23 years old, think, feel, and have experienced. I want to almost re-vamp it so it does not sound too juvenile and so it has a better flow. In order to do that though I have been trying to find someone to help me edit it. As any writer can tell you, and I have personally read from another fabulous writer, it is hard to start all over on your book and fix your own mistakes. Of course without a proper budget to hire someone good to help me I am stuck doing it myself. This is one of the reasons I started a Kickstarter campaign. I am hoping I can find people who want to help make my 10 year old dream of publishing this story come true. In all honesty I do not care if my book becomes a big hit, I just want to get my words and stories out there for other teens and young adults to read. That is what is important to me. So, I ask that you only share this post on your media pages and let others decide if they can help me. I can promise you the story I am hoping to finish and publish is worth getting out there, but hey I am biased. I can tell you though that on my other blog Adventureintothearts.blogspot.com I have and will continue to put up some excerpts of the book. Then you guys can tell me what you think and whether you believe it is something that should be out there for all to read.
Thank you for let me ramble on and I hope you guys can help me. I love you all even though yes, I do not know you. Have a good day and I hope to hear from you guys soon!

Adventure...

The other day I received a comment (which I encourage all of you to do) that made me feel a little upset but had some merit. If you did not see it the person wrote "Blah blah blah... Again with the proof read. This is not an adventure at all jacks." For me this comment was a bit mean but hey everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, I am also entitled to respond with facts. So, for the first part Blah blah blah... you may not think my posts are exciting, or even slightly entertaining  and that is fine. I thought my post had some merit to it, and you know what maybe it was filler but not everything I write is going to be riveting and filled with blood, pain, anguish, etc. The mundane is part of life and that brings me to the second part. Everyday is an adventure whether it is a mundane one or an OMG adventure; either way its part of my adventure. Now, all that is left is my last point. I  want to tell you all that yes I do know there are some errors on my posts. I do have someone that looks over what I write, and in the beginning I was going to change the errors and make it look all lovely and perfect. I changed my mind though. I changed it because (and this is something I have not said on here yet) I have dyslexia, a condition where letters and words do not always form correctly, look right, or whatever. It is something that I have dealt with for, well ever. I am not ashamed of my condition nor do I think I should have to hide or gloss over it. So, my mistakes I leave them there, its my little way of staying true to what I see and how words form for me. I hope you guys can accept me for all my faults like I try to accept others for all of theirs. In the future I will try to keep my adventures a little more exciting. I will not promise that though and I hope you stay with me through all the mundane so we can have some cool crazy adventures in the future. In fact... why not for this upcoming week only we try something. I will take suggestions from you my readers on what "activity" you think I should partake in. If no one sends anything in then I guess I will stick to my everyday adventures, but if a few of you guys are interested enough message me or even just post on my Facebook page Adventures what you think I should do. You guys can post or say anything. Although, please remember I am on a very fixed budget and I am too soft and weak to end up in prison. Plus, I would have to steal then sell a house in order to post bail lol. Anyway, lets give it a try.



* This post was written with an auto correct computer. If anything is misspelled I blame the computer used wholeheartedly.*
** Please do not let this post keep you guys from speaking your mind! I love seeing comments of any nature on here**
Have a good day and I look forward to hearing what you guys will post!!