Him

The other day I started talking to someone that I havent talked to in several months. Someone I love and care about. He has been in my life since I was 15 years old and somehow impacted my life more then I ever thought he had. Talking to him and answering the normal questions of whats new? what have you been up to? and how are you? have been tough because I dont want to tell him the whole truth.

I dont want to tell him how in the past two years my health has declined very rapidly. I dont want to tell him how the doctors I see scare me because they tell me what I already know. That one day, and one day soon I will have cancer like my mom did; and I probably wont survive it. I dont want to tell him that even though I have tried hard to work and keep my jobs. I just cant anymore because I am so tired. I dont want to tell him that I am bleeding money even more and faster then I do blood on my period. I dont wat him to know that I will probably be evicted from my home i a week, because I cannot afford to pay for any where to live any more. That I am sad and constantly feel alone. That I am tired of fighting sickness after sickness. I dont want to tell him that the rabbit hole I fell into is burrying me alive and I no longer see the way out. I am scared to tell this man, that has seen me in some very dark times that I pray God will let me just drift away in my sleep. To let me gracefully bow out of this...situation. That with every effort I have tried to provide for me and my family. I have been kicked in the crotch and am just too sore to get back up again. 

I know I tell you guys I do not condone or advecate suicide and I dont. Other people out there, you guys have friends and family that support and love you more then you know. They will help pick you up when your feeling low. There is always a way around and through your problems. I can say that for the other women, men, children, and teens out there that feel like death is better. For me though...I am on my last leg. No, I am on my last tippy toe. When it is all said and done, i honestly dont believe there is a way for me to get around, over, or through my problems.