internet down...

As you can tell by the title I have been having some difficulty with my internet the past few days. This of course has made it hard for me to write and post on here. Lucky for me I am able to write this post from a friends computer. Yay me! Anyway my last post from what I heard freaked a few people out... not sorry. I am not trying to be normal or fit into boxes people think i should. I am not a statistic to be counted and I am not the person most people think I am. The more i write and the more you learn about me the more you will realize this.
 As far as what has been happening the past few days, well it has been crazy. Earlier this week I went to a doctor that I actually liked because he didn't bullshit me. He told me he couldn't help me and where I can go to get help. He gave me medicine to help lessen the bleeding (which it has) and confirmed what I knew for sometime. Birth control will not help me, it is useless for my situation and I need to be seen by specialist. Unfortunately, my insurance does not cover specialist and so I have to find a way to see them that wont bury me in debt. One fun fact that we will be seeing this upcoming week is what happens when I am on a hormone and then taken off. In 7 years I have managed to not have a D&C, this might be changing very soon. To be honest I am scared of it and hope it does not come to that.
As far as the rest of my life i am taking inventory on what is happening, what I want, and what I can handle and honestly I need a vacation. I know that come June I have planned to take life easier as I am filing for disability so I can focus on getting better and not losing jobs due to my health. Its something I have been told to do for years but I had always put others needs before my own, whether they saw it or not doesn't matter to me anymore. I have decided to be selfish for a while because I deserve to be. I deserve not to stress and be concerned with how other adults deal with their lives. If you are old enough to drink and have kids then your old enough to hold a job, pay your own bills, and figure out how to setup a doctors appointment. Don't get me wrong I love helping people but that is not the only thing I am good for. Sorry for the tangent but sometimes things just need to be said. *that will probably be the only sorry you get from me*
Outside of my slightly dramatic life and and health I find myself trying to transition. I am going to be 24 years old at the end of this year. That's one year closer to 25, were I have to have my life in order. Te pressure to be fixed and situated is becoming a lot and I know I put that pressure on me... but its not just my own pressure. Look around at your friends and family. How many of them are you in competition with? I'm not saying I'm competing because honestly I have my own path to go down but, it would be nice if I was even just at the starting line. My friends they are situated, they are where they want to be and with who they want to be with. I feel like sometimes I'm only a small percentage there...
So, today i leave you with this thought. Who are you in competition with? Who are you trying to beat to happiness? and answer honestly, its not like anyone else will hear you.