Midnight rant

I always find it interesting that in the quiet hour of night when your thoughts crowd your mind; epiphanies- revelations, awakening come upon us. I think it's because our conscious mind is to close to shutting down to keep it all at bay. 

Well for me tonight, I've had what I think may be a few. The past few months I've talked about my passions, my cause, my conditions and diseases. I told you how I go a mile a minute because I cannot stand to go slow when it comes to people's lives. However, even though I wouldn't for a second go any slower for my cause, my life is always a million thoughts and a million things I want to do. See, I want to fix the broken cracks I see. I want to give homes and love to the stray animals and shelter pets; I want to give homes and love to children that do not have a good home or no home. I want to share my poetry, my art and the arts of others. Not critique it and hinder their art but encourage and help them grow like someone has done for me. I want to have a huge company that will help the employees and clients. I want a million things and I forget that I'm one person. I forget that input so much out into the world all at once that I confuse people. That I appear to be flaky, unorganized, a scammer in quick schemes. My brother told me that I have to take my time with my ideas and fully think them out before starting. All I want to do is have things be great already. I guess you can say that when it comes to my projects I have little patience. 

I think for me and a lot of people who throw themselves heavily into their work and projects, that we do it cause we are broke in the silence, we are broke and uncomfortable when things stand still. My husband asks me a lot why are you always watching TV or reading, I told him because for as long as I do that, I can pretend to be someone else. Something, I'm sure more people than I do. 

From previous and really the more later posts on my blogs I know you all have seen the depression and often despair I feel. So, for me getting out of my life, out of my thoughts, out of the weight of things I feel I am supposed to have done, is a blessing and release. The purpose that picture films were made for. The reason why they are such a success. 

So, I'm not sure where I am right now in this post but I know that I can tell you. Everything I blog, everything I post on social media I plan on doing and doing it right. I plan with people's help or not to help cancer patients and their families with my charity. I plan on working every job if I have to, to help working families, I plan on doing good and hopefully great things with my blogs that will help and reach people hopefully. I plan on continually speaking out about PCOS, Endometriosis, and depression. I plan on doing everything I can for everything I listed here. I hope you guys will follow me, help me, encourage me and each other. I hope that you will share and tell me more about what you think will be helpful. However, if you don't then it was nice having you around so far. I hope and pray that life gives you all you want, but I will do it alone if needed.