another one

Its been a pretty long time, over a week since I last wrote here. If I am honest its because I've been feeling really down about life and the things that have been happening. I'm sad that my husband is having problems with his own depression and the way he has been dealing with it. I'm sad about my own depression that I have let my self wallow in for sometime. I'm sad that people look into my life with judgement and criticism. Critics yes, can be helpful when done correctly and politely. The criticism I have been facing lately really has just made me want to give up and in. A big part of me would love to do that, just roll over and keel or just step in line with the monotony of office work.

For years I have been told to just go to work in an office. To sit in some cubical because it pays okay and that's what people think is best. I cannot imagine something more dull and life draining. To be perfectly honest the first and foremost reason I do not want an office job is because I would be sitting my pretty little ass down in a chair staring at a screen inputting information for 8 hours a day for 5 day a week for 52.17777 weeks a year. I would probably shoot myself and someone else. Even just being at home looking at a screen for over 2 hours for fun gives me headaches that make me shut down my screens for a bit. Not to mention the fact that if I was to obtain a regular office position and went in to work during my period, I would be hiding in a hopefully private bathroom or have to put a shield around my cube. Can you imagine the horror on people faces coming in to the bathroom seeing a trail of blood or worse a mess of it. How bout them coming over to my cube for information and because I bled through my cloths and into the chair they smell the blood that has been seeped into the chair cushion for the past hour or so. Now, sure you can say "your just making excuses" but think about if it was you. think about if you had to always be careful not laugh or cough cause blood could squirt out, or even just try and pull in everything in hopes it would keep your naturally very heavy flow from just coming out. How would you feel about being in a highly crowded area, with no privacy, and where anyone could see or smell that your bleeding. I remember in high school and junior high when girls would first get their period and how people could be so rude and mean. If you think that's changed as the people grew older your wrong. Its just become quieter, the whispers have turned into real whispers and people are still ostracized. So, NO I am not going to just take an office job cause it could be easier work.

I'm also very tired of people judging my condition without living it. Sometimes I wish I could take those people open an artery and say okay now you live with that and remember you cant let it scab over for several days/ weeks. I'm pretty sure that person would run to the hospital and say stitch me up please before I die! Honestly even outside of my crazy little scenario here people really need to stop thinking they know better or because they can do a google search they know all the information. A google search is nice you get a part of the information needed, but honestly you know diddly squat until you've lived with the condition. Until, you and that person have gone through the same things. Its okay to want and help, but be productive then. Saying oh you are this way because you do this or I read you are this way cause of this. What is that! Instead saying hey I know this great farmers market where we can get a bunch of great fresh vegetables and fruits, want to come with; or hey I heard that there is a new study out that is looking for someone who has the same symptoms as you do, want to apply here is the website. Do something productive and less destructive. Most people who critic someone like me do not know half of what they are talking about. Yesterday, I was talking to someone and they were telling me all the things I was doing wrong, all the things I should change. I turned around and asked them do you know anything about my condition and he said no. So, if you know nothing about my condition, the treatments I have been on, the way I eat both publicly and privately then how can you tell me what I am doing wrong or be of any assistance. Your judging me on face value, not on substance. Learn at least something about what I am going through, ask me questions about what I have done, then after you learn then you can say something. Then you can say "Well you know what jacks. I have been with you during your period, Ive seen how it has affected you first hand, I have seen the way you eat, exercise, and conduct your general life. Here is what I think about it all". That doesn't happen though and that is something that will probably never happen, so until it does people should take their destructive criticism and shove it. You want to help me be productive, tell me things that add to my life. Tell me a place I can get cheap good veggies and fruit. Tell me a cheap place I can go swimming again. Tell me about a support group I can join where I can talk to other women like me that have depression, anxiety, and PCOS. Tell me what books I should read to become better at my business, my blog, my life. Tell me something useful, if you cant then just stay quiet. Keep your destructive words and UN-useful information.

Until next time everyone, be safe, be loved, be useful.