New Year...

Hello everyone! and happy January! I have my results, I have some news and I have a shit mentality that needs to change. what should I start with?
okay, okay...I will start with my results. Everything is benign. That means I am OKAY... well it means I need to be monitored. It means that I am not currently sick but, my anxiety is never really going to go down because I am always going to feel like my cells are changing more and more and I am going to die. Yeah, I know drama queen. I am aware of my flaws; which leads me to my shit mentality. I have been on a fucked up mentality for oh, how long was I with my ex? I adopted a view point that honestly I cannot afford nor should I want to.

okay so that was never posted for some reason and I am honestly not sure why. Since this was supposed to be posted so much has happened. More people have been kicked out of my life. I lived in a subleased apartment with my now boyfriend... and before friend and ex husbands old now not best friend from high school. I know its weird. I also, am currently not working because the love of my life died my baby Tuffy.

Since, he got sick I started becoming more and more anxious and unable to deal with things. When he died though I closed in on my self and eventually could not even leave my apartment. Right now me and my boyfriend are staying with family to save up on money since I still cannot work and am working on myself. As well, I believe due to the stress I started bleeding heavily for two months but the doctors did find a lesions in my ultrasound and I will need to have more biopsies and now other tests to see what is going on with me. Its been a very hard several months but I know that everything is done for a reason and that when one person leaves your world its so another can come into it. If that is honestly true then someone so very special is coming into my world soon because Tuff you were my entire world. I hope you are happy with mommy and everyone else so special up there. know that you have inspired me in so many ways and truly did so much for me. Well guys i need to end this before I go crazy again. I will try to write again soon but you know me.